52 weeks of grateful :: solitude

On Sunday I left home at quarter to midday and returned four hours later. Me and my normal sized handbag. Sans nappies, wipes, sultanas. How odd. I headed toward the city with my new tunes singing their sweet melody into my memory. On rare occasions like these, I usually drive away from home feeling as though I have forgotten to put all my clothes on. Or left my purse on the kitchen bench when I've already checked my bag three times and know it's there. It's weird. I am always with my children. So on the rare occasions I am not, I feel as though something is missing. Something has been forgotten.

If we lived closer to my family, I am positive this scenario would be very different. I would have more time for myself. I must say, I don't crave it. I don't feel suffocated by all the time spent with my children. Yes, at times, my patience is tried, tested and often, broken. Some days bedtime for our littles cannot come fast enough. Some days it would be great if I could wear industrial earmuffs all day and the kids could just sign what they need from me. Some days I am a really crap mum and I expect too much from my children. Some days I must remind myself how small they really are. Considering how fast they are growing, sometimes it is hard to remember. Soon Ruby will be at school, Cole will be at kindy. And there will be big chunks of time spent with my littlest guy, who won't be so little anymore. And a few blinks after that, I will be dropping them all at school. And the majority of my days will be spent ~ with me. And I suspect sadness will be the reigning feeling when the time comes, but that's just life. And if you want the best out of it, you accept the things that are out of your control, and just go with it.

I think our strict bedtime routine almost equates to some me time each day. I couldn't imagine putting the kids to bed at 8pm each night and feeling as though there was enough of the night left to recharge my batteries. I would feel like a little mouse going round on her wheel. I know the kids won't be going to bed at 6.30pm forever. But as long as it works for them, and for us, that's the way we'll do it.

My Sunday afternoon was spent with some dear friends, celebrating their birthdays in very girly surroundings, eating sweet treats and sipping fancy tea, coupled with easy conversation and plenty of laughter. Solitary driving, to and from. A solitary voice in my head. A little time for my brain to relax, and recharge. It was just what the doctor ordered after caring for sick little bodies for the past month. And for that, I am grateful.

{Linking up with Maxabella for Kidspot Village Voices}